Love you. You are remarkable. Never ever let anybody take that away from you.

How does one deal with the news that your life plan has been drastically altered? How does one make the shift from “able bodied” to “disabled” (yes my labels only)

After months of tests and specialist appointments the news that I had early onset Parkinson’s disease was not what I was expecting to hear.

Honestly I’m not sure what I was expecting to hear but it sure wasn’t that.

I didn’t know anybody with the chronic ilness I mean really who goes around seeking out friends with Parkinson’s disease?

Can you imagine that conversation in a coffee shop or at an online dating service?

” Hi I’m Jan. I am looking for like minded individuals to share special moments. Must be funny and articulate and..oh y

eah…must have Parkinson’s disease but not be over 40″

Yeah I’m pretty sure that would have had my phone ringing off the hook.

Knowing that I didn’t know anything at all about the disease I set about to inform myself: big mistake. I cried for weeks after that.

Parkinson’s is a chronic incurable disease that eventually leaves the patient incapacitated but not before your entire life turns

upside down and inside out. You’ll lose your job and you may lose your mind with some of the effects of the medications.

Wow sounds like fun right? There is no way to prevent the illness from progressing so it’s a sit back and wait kinda situation. Oh boy more fun

Ok so here’s what I did know. I have never been one to cry in my beer. When life gives me lemons I grow a lemon tree and sell

lemonade to everybody I see. I share the lemons out so other people can grow their own trees and make their own lemonade. I’m a sharer and

a nurturer and an explorerer of knowledge.

Step #1 Join a support group. Swallow fear: place the call: attend meeting. More tears. I met beautiful wonderful people

who were in various stages of the disease. Scared the sh** out of me. I went back the next month and the month after that.

Eventually the group leader and I started organizing international conferences for people with Parkinon’s and their care givers.

I’m a kinda jump in girl…it’s all or nothing with me sometimes: this time it was all. I learned a lot about me and the disease. I

was not my disease and it was not me. We agreed to disagree on a lot of things my disease and I.

By year 5 I was sort of getting used to the idea that this was to be my life. A daily regimen of mind altering medications.

Keeping track of a schedule to ensure the meds were dosed out at the right time. I even had one of those ugly little pill containers

with the names of the week on them and then the time of the day on it too. (you know the sort of old people thing you  might see at a drug store)

In year 6 everything changed with me and my Parkinson’s. We broke up. We split. It took a year and the split was very very emotional.

I cried a lot again. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I was supposed to do now without my Parkinson’s disease. Some

people say I cured myself. That it was a miracle I no longer had Parkinon’s disease. Some say I was pretty dam lucky. Some thought I

made the whole thing up. (yeah I’d spend thousands of dollars on meds to gain attention) .

Bottom line when I went to see a second neurologist he confirmed what I felt: I had never had the disease! I was a healthy and

vibrant almost 50 year old woman..Wow! Grateful to be sure..confused absolutely…angry yup but just for a while because I was healthy.

The very first thing I did after I came out of the angry fog? Hired a life coach. I knew that I didn’t want to go back into the business I

had loved so much many years ago. I knew I wanted to teach others to change: to face their fears: to live their best lives but I had to

start walking the talk myself. Every week my life coach  Samy would challenge me: he would push me further than I wanted to go

because he knew I was capable of doing so: he encouraged me and he challenged me and he witnessed me in all my mess and all my glory.

That work led me to go back to school myself to become a life coach. I wanted others to be witness to their greatest lives.

I wanted others to believe that they too could  do whatever they wanted if they only had a champion to guide them on that path.

To say I am grateful for my relationship with Parkinson’s disease is an understatement. I relish each day. I cherish my moments. I honour the truth I am

witness to and I am humbled by the people I meet. Life is good.

Abuse will do that. It takes a lot of effort to get present with yourSELF again after your essence has been violated.

So I am not happy that my life took me in a direction this week that challenged my gym time but, wow, finally after so many years I am noticing how I am feeling in my body.

I’m guessing the yoga classes I have started are playing a role in me noticing me…pretty awesome if you ask me.

I promise to hit the gym next week and I know that the reasons for doing so extend beyond the physical, non squishy, realm. Keep you posted…

There is so much emphasis on what love is supposed to look like: how we are supposed to be when in love and the belief that one cannot be whole unless one has somebody to love. That usually gets translated into “I have to find a mate.” Here’s the thing with that thought process from my perspective only of course. If you look externally for love without doing the internal work you will never find the person you are looking for. If you aren’t content with who you are how can somebody else make you feel content? If you don’t believe it when somebody says to you “you are stunning. You are a goddess in my world” how will you ever be able to receive that gift being offered to you?

Here’s a really powerful exercise to do. Find a full length mirror and take a look at the reflection. Standing right there in front of you with arms stretched open is you…plain and simple..complex and deep..moved and moving…loved and loving…perfectly imperfect. Have you ever taken the time to acknowledge yourSELF? Do you ever reflect on your beauty?

There is a cultural pull that may cause people to say that it’s vain to speak about your beauty. That is not what this is and don’t confuse the two. What you are doing when you stand in front of the mirror is acknowledging yourself: you are giving yourself permission to notice your beauty. Get comfortable with this exercise. If you have to practise more than once a day then do so. It’s important to accept deeply and from your heart that you are a goddess and you shine like the brightest star on Earth.

Trusting in yourSELF: in your knowing: in your wisdom is the greatest gift you can give to you and to those you share this Earth with. Say it with me now ” I heart me” and really accept that it’s true.  Make it your mantra: first thing you say every morning and last thing you say every night..”I heart me” I bet you’ll notice your life begins to shift when you open up your heart to the brilliant YOU…

I went to a castle in Ireland many years ago. Kilbritain Castle which is one of the oldest in all of the land. This was the stuff that fairy tales were made of but alas the story took a turn for the worse. The good and kind landowner ends of being killed in a plane crash on the last day he had his pilot’s license and the castle is sold to the lowest (and only) bidders a few years later. Actually there is a very cool story that goes along with this castle but I’m not sharing that one now. Sorry folks.

I used to believe in once upon a times. In fact when I was a little girl I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about what it’d be like to live in a house with other people and have a pretty dress (or ten) and eat fancy food and play in a very big yard with my oh so lovely dapple grey pony. My life as a little girl was pleasant despite the abuse I was exposed to. My family loved me the best they could. I had friends with whom I could share some (not all) of my secrets and we lived in a comfy little home with nice neighbours.

Like all of life the fairy tale turns bitter sometimes. There is no Prince Charming coming to scoop you away on his steed even if you did believe that when you got married. Doesn’t it just suck when you realize that  the dream you had for your life with this wonderful person is just not possible? Really..think about it…it’s kinda dangerous to have a moat with kids around you know? And if Prince Charming was away all the time fighting the crusaders and other bad guys then who would be helping you with the kids?

Gosh can you imagine what life must have been like for The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe? Crikey..she had so many kids she didn’t know what to do and where’s her Prince Charming in all of this? Out doing what guys on steeds do probably: fighting the great fight away from home for many a day. I wonder which was worse: the fights on the fields or the fights he’d encounter when he finally did return home.

See that’s the thing really: you can’t have things both ways. If you want a Prince Charming he has to do what Prince Charming guys do and that probably means he’ll be away a lot. If you want a guy who can find his way out of anything you’re probably going to be lost a lot and forced to live on bread crumbs. If you want a guy who says he can build anything and he will to keep you safe you may end up with a house of straw that any old wolf can blow down.

Once upon a time is great when you’re ten. When you’re twenty you may believe the fairy tale and marry somebody who you think is your Prince Charming. When you hit your thirties you’re probably too busy with kids/family/career stuff that you don’t really even notice that he’s not really up to his Prince monachre but then again you’re so exhausted maybe it’s you. Forty rolls around with a lot of change: teenagers and shifts in relationships. Time to sort of sit back and wonder what this is all about. Who changed? Where did Prince Charming go? How come I don’t feel the same way as I did when I was twenty? By the time you hit fifty you realize the truth: there never was a Prince you made it all up and boy was it ever hard for your guy to live up to that. He’s tired of trying to play the game and you’re tired of holding him to it.

Fifty year olds want truth. They don’t want fairy tales in their relationships. Fifty year olds want authentic lives: they don’t want a closet full of princess dresses and drafty castles to keep clean. Fifty year olds want passion in all areas of their lives: the kind of passion that drives one to spend a day doing something they love and then getting right back at it the next day. Fifty year olds want connection on a soul to soul level.

Here’s the good news…once upon a time is dead. Twice upon a time is your chance to connect back to you: not the princess but the real you. What a gift that is. If you’ve lived to see your fifties you now have the opportunity of a lifetime to set the record straight. No more made up stories just you in all your naked joy. (kinda like the emporer’s clothes I guess but this time people won’t lie) How cool is that?

So now you have the gift what’s the very first thing you’re going to do with it? Be fearless and have fun in the twice upon a time years.

Here’s something I was thinking about today…”it is what it is…wait what is it?” …and here’s why. I’m a little confused by all of this ” oh just let the universe take care of you” and “oh it is supposed to be that way…it’s going to be just fine” stuff. But here’s the rub. I accept that life is not going to go at all the way I had planned. Seriously if you have seen any of my vision boards you would know that to be true! But it is going to go according to plan. Life is not going to turn out the way I had imagined it but it is going to happen anyway. I don’t wait for karma to open my doors when things come my way. I don’t look at them and say “Hmmm it is what it is. The universe will take care of me” ..no f**ing way. If I like the idea I jump on it: both feet in most of the time. (some would call me a little too quick on the  mark but I like to think of myself as a starter not a joiner)

Nope if I see an opportunity I go for it. I assess the risk and I face my fearless. I take a big jump and go for it. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fail so hard I wonder if I’ll ever recover. One such failure recently cost me more than $5000.00…which to some is a drop in the bucket and to others a bucket full of dough. That event was like choosing door #4 when there were only 3 choices: I was trying to create something out of something that wasn’t there. Problem was I just didn’t see it.  I did the whole “oh the universe will make sure this works out ” thing: the “oh it is what it is” thing. I failed and it cost me..lesson learned.

Read the bio of any successful business person and you’ll read something about failures mixed in with the success. It’s like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich: you can’t have one without the other. The choice  ( and it is a choice) is how you are going to take the lesson. The choice to fail forward or the choice to fail….either one is going to have a huge impact on your life just so you know. Me I go for facing fearless. Sometimes it doesn’t work the way I’d like it to but hey” it is what it is.” right?

For at least thirty years I’ve been saying “this year I am going to lose weight” even though I started out at less than 100 pounds. Two kids and many years of menopause later I’m far beyond the 100 lb mark and still “shoulding” on myself with the weight issue. Forget the weight…stay in shape…keep the heart healthy and leave the rest behind. Bye bye to this one.

One year I resolved to quit smoking. I started when I was 14! Yikes! Became a pack a day smoker by the time I was 18! Double yikes. I quit ten years later and never started again. I’m a reformed smoker (one of those people who thinks it’s a very gross habit) and very proud of my commitment to myself.

One year I resolved to step into my true calling no matter what. I found the money (which I always said I never had) by selling off a few things and went to school. Coaches Training Institute was my choice and two years later I was certifed as a co-active professional coach. Sticking to that resolution was life changing in so many ways.

This year I resolve to make my movement Helping Millions Make Millions a huge success. The goal of my movement is to empower women financially. Teach a woman how to be financially stable is teaching her how to be in control of every aspect of her life. Money is power and women have been over powered far too long. It’s our turn and it’s my voice (and millions of others) who will create that shift. I hope you’ll join us and help change the world…we can do it!

You know that saying “give a man a fish feed him for a day but teach a man to fish you’ll feed him for life?” Well I’m changing that up:”give a woman a financial hand out feed her (and her community) for a day give a woman a financial hand up feed her (and her community) for life…”  I wonder what Suze Orman would think of this movement? Or Oprah? Or Gail Vaz-Oxlade? these powerful women are totally in control of their financial empires and we can learn much from them…let’s start now…

Take that New Year’s Resolutions!

Here’s something I’ve noticed lately when I speak to women in transition…they don’t really like the holidays. The busyness: the obligations: the “shoulds” for family who don’t always show how grateful they are. These same women are beginning to feel invisible: like ghosts. That’s what one woman called herself recently: a ghost…nobody saw her anymore. My mom speaks of that sometimes (she’ll be 77 in 9 days) She says it’s ok for her to be invisible to most people because that means they don’t expect much from her.

Holy crap…when did this happen?When did it become ok to dismiss a person simply because of age? Seriously? …Are we becoming the ghosts of Christmas present? We’re here but nobody notices? I use the collective we here intentionally.

In my family the truth is that I am very much noticed and acknowledged and loved and I know that for a fact. In my family my sisters and mother are very much acknowledged and loved…we make a point of “seeing” each other no matter what we are doing or saying. A phone conversation or a letter or a visit…we”see” each other as we listen to the words being used..

Here’s what I started thinking about as I listened to the women I was hearing: Do you ask to be acknowledge? Do you ask to be loved? Have you refused the gifts that were offered to you? Have you stepped into the courageous and scary place of speaking your truth about what you want out of life? Have you stepped up and told your family what you expect from them? How you expect them to be around you? How will they know if you don’t tell them?

We (again the collective we) may have expectations that are not fulfilled but is that because those we love are not mind readers? Have you shared your dreams? Have you shared your expectations or do you sit in judgement of them because they are not doing what you expect (even though you’ve never told them?)

If you’re feeling like the ghost of Christmas present this is your chance to make like Scrooge who (cowering in his bed clothes) says to the apparition “I cannot change. I am too old” even as he does begin to shift…he faces his fears and his past mistakes and takes responsibility for his behaviour.

Do you love the way it ends? Scrooge with the Cratchets all sitting around making merry? No ghosts there…even an old miser like Scrooge can change and if he can then you can too! You ready? Are you going to be invisible or invincible? It’s your choice..

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones and may 2012 be brilliant and graceful and fearless.

We who are in our 50s: who put career: kids and community first: may now walk alone and wonder where the “I”  went? We must band together once again and be fearless: we must listen to our hearts. We who are in our fifties: seasoned by life and nurtured by spirit: we have the wisdom and the courage to face our fearless once again. We owe it to the world to live our best lives: to establish communities of creative passion: to leave legacies of lasting change. We are the ones to say “Enough. My heart will flutter with joy again. My step will be strong. My dreams will NOT be denied. I will live fearless from this breath onward.”

We who are in our 50s: steps away from our mini skirts and platform shoes: wil not be invisible:  no we will be INVINCIBLE. It’s your time you women who are in your 50s.

Go live your best life: don’t let your heart beat one more beat denying you deserve it all. You do and you will. Go show the world what you already know: start a movement: create change: but most of all you: woman in your 50s: be fearless.

Seriously can you imagine if somebody decided that this Christmas there would

not be cranberry sauce with the turkey? Even if it’s the canned stuff that’s

more like jelly than cranberries it’s the tradition that is important right? If

you’re like my family you have always had turkey with cranberry sauce at
Christmas and probably Thanksgiving too. It’s just what we do: I’ve never really

thought about it when I started to prepare my own festive meals until one of my

children balked at the idea of cranberries and turkey. Well mostly they balked

at the thought of eating turkey but the cranberries didn’t thrill them either.